I'm not okay. I promise.

Funny it is… when it’s not funny anymore… When I thought all the blur would then fade away. But still I can see haze. When the future opens up in front me

and suddenly reality felt surreal. And when all I wanted was just a mere chance – that one more time to be with him. But it suddenly felt impossible, again.

Look how FUNNY this can be.

When I’ve been feeling the extremity of emotions these past few days – I am happy with the new work that I will be starting with next month!

But after being overwhelmed with it, it just sank in to me yesterday that along with it is the veracity that I’ll be staying here longer than I expected.

Yea, Funny in the most sarcastic way of saying it along with the tears I never wanted to shed but then again… I have to.

Everyday I have these recurring thoughts in my mind.

Sometimes I want to burn them in the bin so they will become ashes or whatever and they will just wane in the surface.

Things that I’ve been carrying around for a year and a half now. Everyday… and every night. Regrets that I cannot take back.

Regrets that I could have spent that time with him for awhile. Even that one night when he asked me to go out with him for dinner.

But I chose not to.

Guess that was my chance after all but then I blew it.

The if only’s and the what if’s are all that I have now.

It’s uncanny and I don’t want them anymore! I hope it will be enough.

And it will be over… soon.

I wish time flies by faster now.

And I am wishing that with all the faith in my heart . . .