Way Too Gay To Function.

As I’ve written on my last post, I told you that I am still completing my puzzle. I’ve had these questions in my mind – questions that typically everyone would definitely ask themselves as they mature. What am I here for? Yea. I still don’t know. I’m glad for my “parallelo” – Kris that he already found his own answers. Or like for Paul – that I know he’s getting there. Or maybe for some of my friends who are married and now have cute lil angels they can call theirs. Or for some of my colleagues who have passed the recently board exams for architecture. Or for some expats here who knew right there and then that working here in the “land of opportunities” is indeed an obvious response. But as for me, can a series of buntong hininga would do? . . .

Everyday I ask myself; hey did you figure it out yet dumd head! But I know I haven’t. So I confronted Kris about this the other day. He asked me [um Kris, should I use she instead of he??]: do you ever find yourself happy every time I nailed a good design back in college? So I said: of course! [I would be plastik if I said no!] Because it would look good on my transcript! Haha Kidding aside any compliment is worth a grin! And it’s always a nice feeling anyways. [: And she asked me again: What are the things that you do that you felt you were really happy doing it? I’m afraid I have to answer that.

I am afraid not because I do not have the answer. I don’t know sometimes I am just afraid to claim it. But I will try to start to be courageous here. Little by little. And maybe some of you can help me find the answers along the way. . . But please I would appreciate it if you don’t leave comments this time, as if this post was ever written and published! Por favor?!

Ugh this is going to be hard on my part. See, I am still having a hard time writing it—err typing it! First, let me answer the hanging question Kris left me with;

Actually there are two things that I did before that I felt genuinely ecstatic about. One, performing. Two, the mahaderra photo shoots.

I can’t say I’m a “closet performer” because honestly I did perform on some pretty huge events or functions or even barrio fiestas [haha]. It is still a classic feeling that until now I can’t even find the right adjective to describe how it was.

Deal with the butterflies.

Singing – I fronted and collaborated with local bands in our town before. And I tell you, even if we just did a cover of those songs and even if the venue is more low-key, twas an amazing feeling pulling it through! I remember practicing it every night in my dorm just to give justice to the songs! Even if I sing back up vox back in college, it still gives me goose bumps every time I hit the right notes. Those were remarkable memories that I treasure. I can still remember those days every now and then. The lights. The weather. The people watching. Clapping. Hating me. Telling me that I suck. And it just takes one person, tapping my back, and telling me it was all fine. Next thing I knew I was smiling. [:

I even downloaded those songs and put it in my playlist now and every time I hear it I get to sing along with it! Good thing I still know the lyrics [:

Bass playing – if I cannot express how I felt every time I do sing how much more when I play bass? I love it! Really! Playing the bass puts me in a different trance. I learned playing bass back in Hs and continued playing till college but I have to regulate it because the scheds are tough [you know I have to be in school in the morning and bedroom-lamay-drafting in the evening]. I know I didn’t quit, but I have to give way to my studies. So after college I thought I was free to do basically whatever I want. I was back with my former band – Furblind, practiced twice a week and do gigs on weekends. But I landed on day jobs that have kept me to stay long hours in the office [you know construction and architectural boo hoos] and so I quit. Sad thing. I haven’t played in like two years now. Err two and a half maybe. Haven’t even played the guitar in weeks now. But every time I do, I still recall the riffs that I’ve been playing before akin to the flea-or-lalay-like riffs! [hihi yabang] Or if I have time I make sipra some riffs of songs that I am interested with.

Poor me I had to make a choice back then. Can you say it was a bad one??

Behind the camera.

And as I moved on on being a frustrated bassist I enjoyed taking retratos even if I do not have the amazing gadgets available. I always dream and envy Mallari’s Sony Dslr even if we can’t figure out what the icon was for because it was written in Japanese! If Kris enjoyed styling the models, and that models would definitely be Kat M. or Kay B. or anybody in TS including [ehem] me, well I definitely have the benefit of seeing their beauties on the lenses! It’s blissful when I see the outcome of each photograph. It was even flattering being part of the mahaderra shoots [wala lang to underground trip lang ng TS pag nakainom]!

Till then I never stopped taking snaps when I can. Capture every moment. Good or bad. Even if I only know how to point and shoot using the lowest reso cam there is. Chamba na siguro kapag maganda ang moment! And still dreams big of owning a decent Dslr and taking notes from professionals and friends [:



So watyatink piknik?!?

Is it really one’s obligation to find its own destiny? Will the things that make you happy matters in the end? Or we already know the answers, we’re just afraid of it???

Whatever, I’ll just keep dreaming! [: